Saturday, August 31, 2013

Day 18 of the Whole30.....Oh, to be eighteen again!

Day 18......Oh, to be eighteen again!

Today around 5:00 pm when we were schlepin' boxes and furniture from one storage unit to another.......I was wishin' I was 18 years old again!

I've been wanting to do this for quite a while now because I knew there were items in there that could go.  And, because the prices keep going up and up, we decided to simplify!

We changed to a smaller unit with the intentions of just moving some out to another FREE facility, but the rest, just an easy move.  If you know me at all you know I couldn't just move the boxes without looking in them.  The excitement of seeing all my treasures again, got me excited and enough energy to continue.

Earlier today I was ready to tackle the project.  Right now, my legs feel like mush, and everything is saying....Put me to bed (after you take two Tylenoid!) Yes, I meant to spell it that way and that's another Washington Street story to come later!

This ol' girl is hittin' the sheets!

Friday, August 30, 2013

Day 17......Change!

I received a card from my sister today....

She always has a way of knowing when I need a little extra Umph!....and either sends a card or calls just to chat!

When I first decided to start the Whole30 challenge, I called her with questions.  She always tries to eat healthy and had good advice.

Thanks Zo - and words like this......

Keep me going and determined more than ever to succeed!  Love you too!

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Day 16.....Fat & Ugly!

Day 16....Fat & Ugly!

What a horrible thing to say!  Each word individually is bad enough, but when you link them together....horrible!

I want to take a break from Whole30 tonight to touch on the message I was greeted with early this morning.  It was a general post directed to a specific person and the deliverer was obviously experiencing joy in knowing a "popular girl" from school is now ....Fat & Ugly! Those exact words.....Fat & Ugly! (and no this isn't a current high school student....adults who finished school some 30 years ago!)

Well,  I sat on the edge of my bed in utter disbelief as I read moreIt did not get any better.  The post was removed because a few people were offended.  Yep, I was one of them. 

To give fair balance, there was a reason....because the "popular girl" was mean and bully-like in school.  And yes you are right, we've all encountered a "mean girl" somewhere along the way but as a 49 year old woman, I refuse to give even a second of my day to someone who was young a foolish 30+ years ago.  The individual that caused you harm, might be living with regret for the things she said or did and given the opportunity.....might apologize.   

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think when the words Love One Another and Forgiveness were used in the Bible, they were meant only for the nice, skinny and pretty people.  We all need to exercise forgiveness and treat others as you want to be treated.  Life is just too short to hold on to such negative feelings.

As I sit here listening to my son play his guitar, I'm so thankful he's more interested in that vs. Facebook.  I have a blast with some of my family and friends on FB and it's great keeping in touch with everyone.  But....I refuse to have to scroll through such hurtful words....Be nice...just be nice!  When you send me a friend request, I expect you to be friendly!

The main difference I see in these two ladies is one waited until later in life to become the bully.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Day 15 of the Whole30...Really? Really!

Day 15......I'm halfway there? Really?  Really!

Today marks the halfway point of doing the Whole30 program!  Here are the facts:
  • I feel great!
  • This isn't that hard
  • I want to weigh myself
  • I need a smaller belt
  • I'm regular
  • I don't crave sweets
  • I like this change
I really do feel great and a lot of that has to do with the inflammation being better.  I still don't quite understand the how's of why this works, but it does.  The combination of the great foods I can have makes my diet tasty, new and is keeping the pain and swelling down.  The edema in my ankles is not gone.  However.....I sit at a desk the majority of the day.  On the weekends I do not have the swelling.  Let me repeat that in case you were just skimming through and pretending to read this....on the weekends I do not have any swelling!

Because I've almost reached the point of a third new hole in my belt, I really want to get on the scale and see what it has to say.  I've got a long way to go, but I can already tell a difference in my clothes.  Especially, around my waist.

I've never been a 'gotta have sweets' kind of person.  My snickers bar is a fresh piece of homemade bread!  And crazy enough we don't keep ice cream in the house regularly, but I do miss a good scoop of ice cream.  I'll have to experiment a little.  I just remembered Sunshine's Mango Pineapple Popsicles!  Mmmmmm....I might have to make them this weekend and they could be just the ticket.

I also realized a few days ago that I did not take a BEFORE photo of myself.  However, I do have a photo of me on Day 1 going into our new house for the first time.  I'll just pose again and wear the same clothes for comparison.  I don't like photos of myself and unless I get to the point that people are comparing me to Sandra Bullock, you won't see those pictures. 

Guess what day IT is?  HUMP Daaaay....and my halfway point!  Go me!

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Day 14 of the Whole30.....Planning is essential!

Day 14....Planning + Planning = A better day!

It wasn't a horrible day!  If I'd planned and eaten protein for breakfast instead of thinking fruit would hold me and packed my lunch, it would have been better.

Andrew had Open House tonight for 10th grade.  Because he is 10 ft tall, I challenged him (actually dared him) to walk up the freshmen table and say, I'm a freshman, is this where I sign up?  The poor lady would have probably fallen over backwards in her chair.  He didn't bite.

Instead we talked to Robbie & Ashley's former guidance counselor and her son is Andrew's.  Go figure!

Great classes for Drew and it's gonna be an AP kind of semester but classes he loves (hopefully he'll learn to love Algebra II, because his Mama is having heart palpitations just thinking about it) and all his teachers seem wonderful. 

Off we go to another school year and off I go to pack my lunch!
My little man and he's grown so much since Christmas!

Monday, August 26, 2013

Days 11, 12 and 13 of the Whole30....Agatha, Melvina & Myrt's Adventure!

Days 11, 12,13.....The Big Adventure!

Computer issues and a weekend get-a-way took me away from my blog.

Cindy and I started planning about a month ago to take Nannie to the destination of her choice. .....Portsmouth, Va!  So we loaded up the van and off we went.  Instead of a Thelma & Louise adventure, it was Agatha, Melvina and Myrt adventure (that's another post!).

Back when I was first trying to decide when to start Whole30, I really wanted to wait until AFTER this weekend trip because I knew the restaurants we'd be dining in would not be Whole30 friendly.  But, I figured there will always be something, or some kind of event taking place so I might as well start before the trip so I'd already be in the right frame of mind.  It worked!

I packed my cooler bag with healthy choices in case there wasn't anything I could eat on the menu.  Amazingly enough both Cracker Barrel and Ihop had items on their menu that I could customize to what I needed.  Not organic and not optimal choices, but decent choices.

Back to the adventure.......the ladies we met for lunch were old friends of Dad and Nancy's while living in Cradock.  Listening to their stories were interesting and funny.  I guess I started the laughter by accidentally taking Nannie into the men's restroom.  Once I realized what I had done, I couldn't stop laughing long enough to tell her we were in the wrong bathroom.  I shuffled her out and then told her once we were outside.  Then I'd laughed myself into needing to go myself.  Nannie said, "You should have to go in there too!" She couldn't wait to tell everyone at the table.

We had a tour guide for the afternoon and thank goodness we did because this road connects to that road and loops back around to another road.  In the process, we saw Nan & Pap's old house, the old elementary school, the demise of Cradock High School.  What a shame because there was so much character.  Even the football field was still lined so I had to get out and take some pictures.  One of the football benches was still there and the old concession stand was still standing too. 

I had to do it........I stood on the sideline and did an Aunt Naincy cheer - arms waiving in sync with the perfect cheer....the Cradock way!  Go Team!

We were also privileged to spend time with family.  Another Bailey family and they love to laugh as much as we do.......and we did plenty!  Someone told me recently I am just like my Dad, and I'll take that compliment any day of the week. are just like your Dad and that too is meant as a compliment.  I can only imagine you and my Dad together when you were younger and full of pranks!  Bonnie...It was all I could do to keep from nose diving into that homemade pound cake with strawberries and whipped cream!  

Our goal:  Give Nannie a weekend to remember!  SUCCESS because she hasn't stopped talking about it!

Friday, August 23, 2013

Day Ten of the Whole30........TGIF!

Day Ten - TGIF!

Thank Goodness I'm Full!

And I'm thankful it's Friday too!

I'm really trying not to make a big stink about people eating food around me that I can't have. It will ALWAYS be there.  And, I know after the 30 days I may actually have a slice of that pizza......or a scoop of ice cream.  But you know, it will have to be a lip-smackin' good piece of pizza and some of Mom's homemade ice cream for me to risk going back to feeling so bloated.

Pizza is on the way to my house!  Stephen and Andrew weren't thrilled with the idea of grilled tuna, mashed cauliflower and fresh strawberries for deezert.  TGIF!  I've eaten and I don't think I could eat another bite. That's a good thing so I won't even want a slice of that nasty ol pizza!

I was a little hungry when I left work, but I stopped by Trader Joe's to pick up some veggies and fruit and also grabbed some dry roasted almonds.  They did the trick and filled that little hole in my stomach saying, Feed me!  Feed me!

You aren't supposed to snack, and I try not to.  However, sometimes I have to nibble on a few pieces of fruit, handful of almonds or cashews to avoid the homemade coffee cake sitting in the kitchen at work.  I know, I know....but it's note always easy to walk away or avoid the kitchen.  Eventually, I have to go in the kitchen to get my lovely lunch I've prepared.  AND...if I go in there with a few cucumber slices in my system, I can say...No thanks - TGIF!

Love ya - mean it! 

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Day Nine of the Whole30....Pass the Whine!

Day Nine....Pass the Whine!

Making the decision to do the Whole30 program was the best decision (Thanks Sunshine!).  You all know me and know that if something is not what it's cracked up to be, I'm going to tell you.

THIS, is what it's cracked up to be. 

I am living with Sarcoidosis (Dad had Sarcoid, but he was a fire-fighter and used to eat smoke for a living!)  Why do I have it....nobody really knows.

It is dormant and I really don't have any acute symptoms...BUT....along with the extra pounds I'm carrying around and the little nodules that have taken up residency in my lungs, my lung expansion is less.

Walking up a flight of stairs was becoming difficult.  Carrying groceries into the house made me short of breath at times.  And...we haven't even talked about my knee!

I was geared up and ready to kick butt last year.  I was going to do this the right way by exercising regularly and my incentive was a trip to California. I bought my ticket and joined a boot camp class.  I loved it! 

The first day I thought I was going to die.  After I managed to drag my out of shape self to the car, I realized I still had to drive. I prayed for green lights the whole way because if I had to stop, my legs might just dissolve. On about the 3rd class I torn the meniscus in my knee, but didn't know it until weeks later.  I just knew it hurt.  And, you can see this is not developing into a winning combination.  Sarcoidosis, knee surgery and being overweight brought me face to face with a hard-headed woman that's stubborn as a mule.....Me!

I wanted to do something nutritionally healthy and something that wasn't going to break the bank.  There are a lot of successful programs out there and I'm not speaking negative about them at all.  But, what I will speak of is affordability.  Obesity is a problem in our country, but if people cannot afford the gym memberships, special diet programs and personal trainers, where does that leave us?

It left me being mad at myself because I kept failing.  I knew I needed to make drastic changes and unless I did, I was headed down the same path my Dad took.  I'm not 20 anymore and living life on the softball field.  Get it together girl!  Enter Whole30...

Since starting 9 days ago, I've had times when I've really been hungry and I've missed having a Diet Coke or....spaghetti!  But what I DON'T miss is the bloating, shortness of breath, knee pain or sleepless nights.  I feel great and really don't have anything in the world to whine about!

Thank you Whole30 - now let's get 'r done!

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Day Eight of the Whole30...I feel like Christopher Columbus!

Day Eight and I discovered something absolutely wonderful today!

I can eat at Chipotle or Quodoba! 

I read a lot of people doing the Whole30 or Paleo diet successfully eat at one of those fine establishments and today I was out and about during my lunch hour and knew I was in trouble because I didn't pack my lunch today. Well, I packed fruit and that's it!

It was easier and quicker to hit Chipotle and while everyone else in our office enjoyed Cheese Shop sandwiches (those of you from Williamsburg KNOW that was pure torture!!!), I really enjoyed my salad with carnitas, picante and guacamole.  I enjoyed it so much that I suggested Quodoba for our date night dinner, just for comparison.  There, I had chicken, picante, green salsa and then I added a little hot sauce.  Whoa whoa that's some fine eatin' and I had just enough and don't feel bloated.

Feeling bloated after meals was one of the main reasons I looked into doing Whole30 and I can honestly say.....since day one, I have not been bloated at all.  Not even the slightest.

I can't weigh myself for the 30 days on the program, but I've noticed my jeans button a whole lot easier and I'm just about ready to tighten my belt up a notch.  I could do it now, but then you might see me in a Freaks of Walmart book somewhere and I'd rather just wait until it happens naturally.  Ya know!?!

So today, this August Wednesday, has been a day of discovery and other than really wanting a heaping spoonful of house dressing...I did manage to stay on plan and get the job done.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Day Seven of the Whole30....Process of Elimination!

Day Seven.....Process of elimination!

Today was not wasteful in the slightest!  Well, that depends on how you look at it! 

Let's start with last night.  I went to bed around 11am and figured I'd be draggin' this morning.  Nope!  I woke up before the alarm and had a wonderful night of sleep.  I usually let Stephen get ready and when he heads out for work, I jump into action getting myself ready. 

It worked out to my advantage being early this morning...well....let's just get this topic over with.  My new diet (consisting of MUCH better food choices) makes sure that each morning is wasteful and that makes for a happy wife, happy mama...just HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY (for all you Duck Dynasty fans!)

And, let's not stop there!

Our new home now has a large beautiful addition in the yard.....our very own, bright and shiny, it slices and dices and ready for whatever Dallas Cowboy lovin' husband has to offer .... new septic system!  Yeee Haww!  Now, we're cookin' with peanut oil!

Sorry if this has turned your stomach - but I just felt like anyone contemplating the Whole30 program should now....this is a benefit and yes, $#&% happens!

Monday, August 19, 2013

Day Six of the Whole30 .....Kimchi...No!

Day Six.....I remember back in about 5th or 6th grade someone did a report on kimchi and I would rather eat the chocolate covered grasshoppers than to eat a perfectly good head of cabbage ruined!

Nannie makes the best cabbage and collards - hands down!  I can come pretty darn close, but I also don't put fat-back in them (I'm sure that's the secret ingredient!).  All I could think of was putting that pot of goodness outside to spoil for a very long, long time and then ....fry it up for dinner!  Not on my watch!

My son-in-law Tim is not a fan of cabbage and really doesn't like the smell of it cooking.  Just out of curiosity, I had Ashley ask him if he would eat kimchi?  No!  No matter how we phrased it - No!  Even if they co....NO!

Today was my first day in the office since starting Whole30 and it wasn't too bad.  I packed a great lunch and then went out - but ate right on plan and wasn't tempted at all when they brought french fries on her plate.

This afternoon though, I had the worst taste in my mouth and needed some gum, a mint, SOMETHING!  I did have a piece of gum and after chewing the heck out of it, realized I had my toothbrush and toothpaste in my drawer.  That might have helped. 

And happened!

One of my lovely co-workers snuck up beside me and just stood there with a chocolate Mr. Goodbar.  My first reaction and comment was, "What is that?"  She hesitated for a minute, I'm sure from the look of fear on my face and simply replied, "Chocolate.  Want some?"

I know you think I caved - WRONG!  No ma'am, I can't have that. But I did consider asking her if I could have the wrapper just to smell it!  Nawww - just kidding!  I like chocolate but I don't LOVE chocolate.  If it had been a warm pretzel stick or homemade bread....I might have been like that potato chip commercial where the lady is getting her nails done and as soon as the bag is abandoned.....Swoop and chip crumbs all over her freshly painted nails!

Great day and looking forward to tomorrow!

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Day Five.....and still alive!

Day Five and what do you know....not having bread OR Diet Coke hasn't killed me!

It was the perfect morning to sleep in today because it was a little rainy and felt great outside. 

Upon rising, I was hungry!  I made decaf coffee and the only condiment used in it was canned coconut milk.  I think it cuts the edge off of it being completely black, but it's not as good as my sugar-free creamer.  Oh well.  I also made breakfast the Whole30 way and shared it with my honey.  He enjoyed it too!

It's been mentioned the 'flu' feeling within week one.  Today, after taking my shower, I wasn't feeling as great as I have, but after a short nap on the couch and a couple hours of playing the banjo.....I felt better.  Still draggin' a little, but have accomplished another day of success!! Yeah me!

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Day Four - Home alone!

Home alone because the mosquitoes ate me alive yesterday at the house (they must like my new diet too!).  My arms look like I have the chicken-pox!

Stephen left bright and early this morning to do some of the finishing work on the drive-way and I opted to stay home and get some things done around here.

Home alone with all kinds of foods I can't have and really craving ice cream for some reason.  I picked up my book, It Starts With Food and the section I turned to simply stated, Dont' dwell on the foods you can't have, focus on what you CAN have!  So I started planning out my day....

  • Packed a few boxes
  • Listened to an old school Michael Jackson CD.
  • Made a few necklaces and a cool bracelet.
  • Banjo-Banjo-Banjo
  • Made dinner....
    • Mexican pork chops with a side of shredded brussel sprouts, baby spinach and almond slivers sauteed in clarified butter.  My goodness it was quite yummy!
As good as dinner was, I could still kill a bowl of ice cream....homemade pistachio, to be specific!  But, I'm good - I'm good!

I did read today though that I should be eating "raw fermented vegetables, like sauerkraut and kimchi, a priority. (they provide a rich source of nutrition and digestion-enhancing enzymes.  And....the fermentation process also provides natural probiotics, helping the intestinal track maintain a healthy balance of bacteria by increasing the "good guys")"....Ummm....I don't think Kimchi is going to make it to my grocery cart.  But I will try and work in sauerkraut.  That will definitely need to be another day I'm home alone.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Day Three of the Whole30 - Is this burger as dry as the other one?

Day three of the Whole30!

Yesterday, they built a house!  Today, I'm starting to pack the old one and being home while trying to change your eating habits is harder.  I won't give in - but it is harder.

The night before I was to start the Whole30, I bought extra-lean ground beef and cooked hamburgers for myself and the guys (Stephen and Andrew).  I see now why Five-Guys, Cook-Out, Pierce's have such mouth drooling burgers....they use ground beef with the highest amount of fat!

These burgers had a good taste, but Lordy were they dry.  I choked and had to act quickly to keep from spitting it across the room!  The guys just lathered theirs up with condiments to choke them down.

I originally hid the 2 leftover because I can't have all the 'stuff' they can have.  But I gladly offered one to Andrew for his lunch, and he accepted.  I warned him again and suggested he put some ketchup....nonono....bathe it in ketchup.  I watched his face for some sort of expression....nothing.  Once, he finally got it down, he turns to me and says, "Mom, the spices you used on the burgers were perfect!"  He turns to leave the kitchen and says....."But they are REALLY dry!"  We laughed!

Today, I tried again!  This time, I purchased patties from Trader Joe's thinking they were already cooked.  Nope.  I had to pull our the George Foreman - again - and cook them.  Being lured by the smell of burgers cooking, he came out of his man cave upstairs and said, "What's for lunch?" (glad I guess that I have the day off and he won't have to fix Ramen!).  His eyebrows told his feelings as soon as he saw the GF grill cooking, and with a hint of smile says, "Is this burger as dry as the other one?"  What else could I do but laugh?

If that's the only complaint I hear today - I'm good!  Love me some Andrew!

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Day Two of the Whole30....The House that Jack Built!

Day Two!

Rise and shine - let's build a house! 

We've waited a long time for this and today was the day our house was set on the foundation!  The team from the crane operator to the truck driver that walked around picking up trash....had a mission and didn't stop until the job was done.  It was quite an experience to watch and yes, I took lots of pictures!

I knew my options for lunch today would be fast food or fast food.  So, I packed my lunch in my handy-dandy Thirty-One lunch bag (little plug there for ya Ash!) and off I went.  When everyone else was feasting on fried chicken, I ate every morsel of my lunch.  And, Cuzzn Thom's specialty salts made my avocado quite yummy!

I feel great and want to get on the scale to see if the last two days have made a difference, but I vowed not to and I won't. 

Tonight, we celebrated Kiley's 3rd birthday and yes, Kiley and Great-Grandma Weezie made birthday cake today!  Per her request, she wanted a 'strawberry cake with REAL strawberries on it".  To top it off, I had to stop and buy 2 large pizzas for everyone else.  Pizza AND cake!

I was packin' again and survived the night!  Bring it on Day Three!

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Day one of the Whole30......and feeling groovy!

Today was MY day one of the Whole30 Program.  However, with so much going on, I forgot to log in on their website.  So, tomorrow will be my 'official' first day.

I'd actually planned ahead last night and cut up my fruits and veggies.  Cooked a dinner that would be good leftovers for my lunch and was all set when my feet hit the floor this morning.

I vow to be completely honest during the next 30 days....and I did weigh-in this morning and honestly won't be sharing that number!  I will share however that through the course of the day, I was only hungry one time and that was right before dinner.  We actually went out to eat and I knew it would be hard, but I did it and no eye rolling or complaints from my special requests.  Nice.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow and feel great because I already have in mind what my menu is for the day!

I did have a little help today!  My grand-daughter Kiley spent the day with me and kept me very busy.  She got to pick out her Birthday present first thing this morning and after a slight diversion, she picked out a Disney Princess Shopping Cart!  You'd never know she was quite the princess after we got to our lot and she rode the tractor!  Thanks Kiley for your support - Grammie loves you!

Grammie's co-pilot!

Million dollar smile!

Monday, August 12, 2013

What!! I have to give up my Greek yogurt!  I FINALLY found one that I like and now I have to omit it from my food choices......BUT.....I'll reintroduce it after 30 days and go from there!

Being raised a "Bailey" I learned early on that fried is the way to go!  Or....maybe it was Pap's secret ingredient for his famous Apple Crisp.....Karo Syrup!  Nannie's block of cheese in the scrambled eggs to make them 'ropey' and perfect for biscuits. I need to stop reflecting because it's really not even making me hungry.  Missing Papaw, but not hungry (right now anyway)!

Wednesday, August 14th is my day!  The first day of change.  The first day of improvement.  The first day of feeling better.  I've read the web page many times and at least ten personal blogs about the Whole30 Program and was actually happy to see pros and cons.  Bottom line being, the majority of those that I read did feel better.  I wasn't quite on  board at first because people weren't talking about the large amounts of weight they were losing. But, the changes made mentally, emotionally and physically (inches more than pounds!) by far out weighed (pun intended!) the lack of weight lost in that first 30 days.  AND....I also saw that the majority of the people blogging didn't really have a ton of weight to lose.  I do! 

So, here we go!  I've found in the past that really limiting and restricting carbs works for me.  We'll see how I feel when I'm finished, but I anticipate gradually adding back in my newly found favorite Greek yogurt, skim milk, etc. I am however looking forward to eliminating sodas and artificial sweetners. Time will tell.......No......the bloating will tell!

Sometimes after eating a simple meal, of what I've always thought was healthy and healthy portions....I still feel like I've just finished a Bailey Thanksgiving dinner!  I don't like that!  I also don't like the severe edema I'm having in my lower legs.  First thought by the doctor's was 'venous insufficiency' but a 2 hour Doppler study showed the main veins in the legs are satisfactory...not wonderful...but OK. 

So....Miss "I don't have time to go to the gym today"....needs to find time and that all starts again tomorrow!

Are there other diets out there not as drastic?  Yep!  Do they cost an arm and a leg to do?  Yep!  I have to ask.....if obesity is a problem, and it is, why does it cost more to fix it?  Gym memberships - cha-ching!  Organic foods - cha-ching!    But, I need to make changes and these need to be lifetime changes.  I want to see my wonderful children continue to grow and flourish in their own lives.  And, see my grand-children grow up and invite me to their Kindergarten Tea, first t-ball game, first formal dance and be escorted down the aisle as the grandmother of the bride/groom.  Brings tears to my eyes already!

My doctor is on my side and wants me healthy too!  Having a good team is crucial and I have to be committed to doing my part too.  He can't provide a chef for me or an electric shock built into my car seat to nudge what needs work the most (when I turn into Chic-fil-A)!  I have to put my big girl panties on and do it!  (It sure will be nice to buy panties from the OTHER girl section.  THAT my lady friends is an entirely different blog post....I don't even want to get started on what's the right type of panties to wear under a dress, pants....somebody stop me!)

I'm going to try and post daily about my success and/or struggles.  I do welcome your comments and words of encouragement!  Pap & Dad, I love you and miss you terribly....but the Karo syrup and battered fried pork-chops have to go!
Love ya...mean it! 
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